Anyone feel a little dirty after watching that joke of an announcement last night?

We stuck around for an hour-long program…

We sat through metaphor-ridden dialogue, over-stated historical contexts, and slang-infested teases from the Flava-Flav of ESPN:  Stuart Scott…

We sat through the most pointless questions in the history of sports journalism from Jim Gray.  For crying out loud, LeBron was asked whether he still “chews his fingernails” before he was asked where he’ll be playing ball next season…

We sat through montage after montage of imagery that would make a casual basketball fan think that LeBron already has more rings than Bill Russell…

And despite all of that…we watched.

But the grossest part of all???  The reaction after the broadcast:

“I applaud LeBron for being unselfish and taking less money.”

“LeBron is proving now that it is all about winning.”

“Cleveland fans are classless for burning LBJ’s jersey.”

Let me just make one thing perfectly clear:  LeBron James is a self-absorbed coward who revels in his own celebrity.

LeBron’s plan all along has been to be the most famous, revered, highest grossing athlete in history.  Virtually every move is calculated.

How else would you explain last night’s show that was reportedly contrived by LBJ’s camp?  He performed an execution on live television, and will skip to South Beach with the expectation to cruise toward a Larry O’Brien trophy that will “solidify” his legacy and “justify” his fame.

There’s no doubt that LBJ is the second-best player in the league.  6-8, 250 pounds with unbelievable court vision…a streaky jump shot…and the ability to bring the house down with ferocious dunks.  We remember where we were during Game 5 of the ’07 Eastern Conference Finals against Detroit when he scored 29 of the Cavs’ last 30 points.  We’ve seen him rack up triple-double after triple-double…and now back-to-back MVP awards.  Because of those individual accolades…LeBron has become the biggest star in the sport, despite glaring holes in his game:

Look, LeBron never looks comfortable with the game on the line.  You may disagree…but here’s the test:  How many clutch shots did MJ hit in his career?  How about Kobe?  Too many to count, right?  LeBron apologists always say:  “LeBron is clutch!  Remember the Detroit game?  The two game-winners against the Wizards? The 3-pointer against the Magic??”  Next time you hear that argument…tell them to keep going.  You could probably name all of the pressure shots of LeBron James’ career on two hands.  The best players in NBA history savored clutch situations.  Crunch time makes LBJ uncomfortable.  Why?  Because of his limited offensive game.

When LeBron’s jump-shot is on…he can hurt you in a number of ways.  But it’s not consistent.  Kobe can hurt you with his back to the basket, driving to the hoop, pulling up for three, fading away, etc.  When Kobe takes a shot, you almost expect it to go in….when LeBron shoots (especially from deep), you expect a rebound.  The Celtics dared LeBron to shoot in the Conference semi’s by clogging the lane and sagging off of him.  James didn’t have an answer...

He still put up decent numbers in the series, but his body language and demeanor was that of a man who was quitting on his team…and his city.

So now he joins a team already with an Alpha-male with a ring (Wade), and one of the top big men in the league (Bosh).  Some in the media have painted this as an unselfish move.  I see it differently.  Sure he’s sacrificing money by departing from Cleveland…but he’s also sacrificing the opportunity to truly reach his full potential as a basketball player and leader.

Miami is Wade’s team.  Wade will take the clutch shots….he has done it for his entire career….and he won’t hand that responsibility over the LeBron.  In Miami, LBJ will be a point forward who will have vicious dunks and spectacular passes.  His points will go down, his assists will go up, and his rebound numbers will be about the same.  He’ll be a great player in Miami….but he will never be in the conversation as being one of the greatest.

Let me go back to Kobe again for another example.  We brushed the Kobe-Michael comparisons to the side because Kobe hadn’t won a championship without Shaq.  Now he’s won two-in-a-row…and some still aren’t giving him his true props because of how talented of a team he has:  The best big-man in the game in Gasol, one of the best defenders in the game in Artest, he has Bynum, a clutch point guard in Fisher, and a sixth man in Lamar Odom who would start on 85% of the teams in the league.  If Kobe (with 5 rings) is still fighting for respect….how will LeBron ever earn his?

Reggie Miller, a man who spent his entire career in Indianapolis and never chased a ring said it best:  “One ring in Cleveland is better than 3 or 4 in Miami.”

LeBron is simply taking the easy route.  While digging for gold…you’ve got to get dirty.  And LeBron has put down his shovel and is making his way to Jared.

Even if you understand LeBron’s reasoning for heading to South Beach…you can’t possibly agree with the avenue he took to make the announcement.  He basically ripped out the heart of Cleveland fans….spit on it….stepped on it….and lit it on fire.

We’re talking about a city that cheered his every move.  Excused his faults.  Praised him.  C’mon…they damn-near worshiped the guy. 

How did he repay them?  He quit on his team against the Celtics and gave one final push to the stake by revealing his decision to depart in front of millions in primetime television.

I’m sick of the argument:  “He gave them seven great years, get off his back!”  Yea? All he did was his JOB for seven years.  They drafted him…and he was paid well to play to the best of his ability….but ultimately you’re paid to win titles and he came up short in embarrassing fashion more than once.  And yet, they still cheered him. 

I’m also sick of hearing:  “Cleveland fans shouldn’t burn his jersey.”  As long as fans don’t get violent….they can burn away.  Think about NFL fans…we’ve seen cars beaten up with opposing team logos on them….if you walk to Colts games you see t-shirts that read “Brady sucks…..and Belichick swallows”…many of you have seen worse.  The enemy is the enemy…and fans express themselves in numerous ways. 

In Cleveland, LeBron not only is the enemy….he’s an enemy that stabbed his former team in the back.  So OF COURSE fans are going to be emotional.  Toronto fans are emotional about losing Bosh.  Phoenix fans are emotional about losing Stoudemire.  But it’s different in Cleveland, not only because LeBron is from the area…but because instead of handling his departure delicately, he chose to string Ohio and the rest of the country along toward an egomaniacal spectacle on live television. 

At the end of the day we enabled him.  He was a star on ESPN in high school.  He had a $90 million contract with Nike before his first NBA game.  He was labeled a “King” before he had any bling.  He’s an unbelievable talent with a ton of individual awards…but he’s selling out at 25 years old for the prize that truly matters:  an NBA title.  If we made fun of Charles Barkley, Gary Payton, Karl Malone and others for doing it when they were on social security….shouldn’t LeBron receive criticism for doing so while approaching is prime?  Don’t mention the $30 million he left on the table in Cleveland because he’ll quadruple that in endorsements in South Beach. 

I’m not into curses like Dan Gilbert…but I guarantee that when LeBron retires…and as he’s counting his billions of dollars and looking at his trophy cases with 3 or 4 NBA titles…he’ll regret the spineless way in which he made his cowardly decision on July 8^th 2010.

Can I get a witness??